Mike Mazza's notes on "Slashed to Ribbons"

Thanks once again to Mike Mazza for these notes on the first set of short stories in Felice Picano's Slashed to Ribbons: In Defense of Love and Other Stories, which we'll discuss on Nov. 19. (I'll share Mike's notes on the second half of the collection in March, when we'll read those stories.) Note: The citations (e.g., loc 44, 1%, etc.) below refer to the Kindle edition, not the paperback.

Felice Picano, _Slashed to Ribbons in Defense of Love and Other Stories_. Foreword by Eric Andrews-Katz. ReQueered Tales, 2022.

—note that the stories are copyright 1975-1982.

Why did I nominate this book for the book club?

—I had not previously read this book; in fact, I had not read any of Picano’s books. But I was aware of his status as a prolific and important figure in gay literature. I have been wanting to read something of his for some time.

—I chose to nominate this book specifically because of the time frame of the stories. I believe that 1975-1982 time frame to be especially significant in gay history, and I suspected that the collection could be a valuable time capsule of that era.

My overall assessment of the collection: an excellent group of stories. Very well written, with memorable characters and very vivid descriptions.

—A book that really focuses on the gay male experience, with an emphasis on romantic relationships and sexual activity, as well as the literary and artistic culture of gay men. The geographic heart of this collection is New York City, with forays into Fire Island and a New England writers’ colony.

—Satiric at times, the book is also unflinchingly naturalistic; Picano writes with confidence about aspects of gay male life that some might find controversial, shocking, or distasteful. There is a freshness and an honesty to both his subject matter choices and his mode of exploring the chosen material.

Foreword: p 9; loc 44; 1%.

—Andrews-Katz places these stories in context without spoiling them; a good foreword.

—Picano’s groundbreaking work as a novelist: 10.

—notes Picano’s role as a founding member of the Violet Quill group: p 12.

“Spinning”: p 15; loc 87; 2%. 1st story in collection.

—opens in a dance club. Narrator, Billy, is DJ.

—narrator notices a new face at the club; discusses “the number” with Butchie, the light effects operator.

—Billy finally recognizes the number as Pat Remington, a model who later branched out into music and record production: p 19.

—note sensory details about his experience as a DJ, especially p 22.

—note the many specific songs mentioned.

—Billy hopes that Par is listening to his set, and imagines being asked by Pat to collaborate with him: 24.

—he imagines a future of success and affluence.

—interesting details about the art of both the DJ and light effects operator.

—“the gay national anthem”: 25.

—Irony; Butchie reveals that the number is not Pat Remington, but rather Jos, an old number of Billy’s; Butchie gives Billy a note from the number.

—Billy recovers from the shock of the revelation and DJs on.

My assessment: a really fun, slice-of-life, character-driven story that vividly evokes 70s/80s gay nightclub scene. Funny and ironic, with an irrepressible protagonist/narrator This collection is off to a strong and vibrant start.

“The Interrupted Recital”: p 29; loc 305; 8%. 2nd story in collection.

— introduces character of Ken Kaufman, a classical musician (violoncello).

—Narrator: attended Kaufman’s last recital.

—part 2 of story: p 31.

—Narrator recalls being invited by Ken to his recital, and first having dinner with him; the two had a history.

— they recall their time as students together.

—during dinner, Ken discusses his current lover, Davey. Apparently a “sugar daddy” type relationship.

—narrator names the kept boy archetype as Macon, Georgia.

—my note: this story reminds me of Rechy’s City of Night.

—Ken tries to convince the narrator that his Davey is different from the typical hustler type: 36.

—part 3 of story: p 36.

—before the recital’s start, narrator gets a taste of the “cult of Kaufman.”

—note the picturesque description of the small concert hall—like something from the era of Maria Theresa.

—a concert goer recalls Kaufman’s eccentric behavior.

—late in concert Davey dramatically bursts in holding a gun.

—Kaufman suffers an accidental fall during the chaos in the concert hall.

—part 4 of story: p 41.

—Narrator visits the recovering Kaufman in the hospital following the concert hall incident.

—Kaufman suffering from paralysis. He says he can no longer play his instrument.

— My note: story has a bit of a Henry James meets Saki flavor; I like the satire of the elite culture vulture class.

—Narrator berates Davey in the hospital.

—part 5: p 44.

—Conclusion reveals that Davey has become a classical musician.

My assessment: a wonderfully ironic story; Kaufman is a delightfully eccentric gay character.

“Shy”: p 47; loc 573; 14%. 3rd story in collection.

—great opening line.

—evocative New York City setting.

—Narrator sets up a story of his sexual encounter with Robertson Webb, a famous person whose name he has changed for the story.

—Webb picks up the narrator on the street and invites him home for a drink. Although Webb is an actor, the narrator doesn’t recognize him.

—note the expertly written, poetic, surreal sex scene: 54.

—after the sex act, narrator sees an old photo that reveals Webb’s identity.

—irony: narrator had idolized Webb but hadn’t recognized him.

My assessment: very well written story with a feel like John Rechy’s City of Night.

“Teddy—The Hook”: p 59; loc 752; 19%. 4th story in collection.

—set-up: a letter received from a military service member after the fall of Saigon (Vietnam War).

—my note: rank given is “Lt. Corporal”; maybe author meant Lance Corporal.

—Narrator receives photos of Teddy Kincannon, a soldier reported killed in Vietnam.

—Narrator reveals that Teddy had been his lover; backtracks to tell their story: p 60.

—Teddy had been a new truck driver employee of export business of narrator’s father: 61.

—Teddy’s physical beauty.

—Narrator backtracks further to describe a same sex junior high crush: 62.

—Narrator and Teddy go to a party after dinner.

—they find marijuana at the party house, and flee as the cops begin a raid: 67.

— they hide in backyard as raid occurs. They kiss and caress.

—Teddy receives his draft letter: 71.

—Narrator moves into a NY city apartment.

—Teddy visits narrator while on military leave. They have sex.

—Teddy visits again after time in Vietnam.

—Ted tells narrator how he had sex with a chaplain after the chaplain explained that his unusually curved penis was ideal for anally pleasuring male partners: 78. —Ted reveals he has re-enlisted.

—ends with description of Ted’s ornately designed bomber jacket that pays tribute to his own “hook”.

My assessment: a vivid tale, both comic and tragic; a bit of an outrageous satire. Ted’s sexual deformity causes him to be rejected by women, but embraced by men who enjoy receiving anal sex.

—compare to the great gay Vietnam war novel _The Boy Who Picked the Bullets Up_.

“Mr. World Buns: A Story Without a Moral”: p 81; loc 1093; 27%. 5th story in collection.

—introduces characters Larry and Howard.

—bartender Howard tries to convince his lover, psychiatric social worker Larry, to enter a beautiful “buns” contest in order to win money and a vacation. —note Colorado setting.

—Larry displays his asset at the contest—funny scene: loc 1159.

—Larry wins the contest.

—Larry and Howard go to Manhattan for the next level of the contest: 1185.

—Larry meets Hal Sykes, fellow contestant.

—Larry and Hal play poker: 1278. Turns into strip poker. Then sex, despite Hal allegedly being straight.

—Larry argues with Howard.

—Hal wins the contest, with Larry 1st runner up: 1329.

—Larry goes on the Rio prize vacation with Hal.

My assessment: a fun comic tale that gently satirizes urban gay life.

—Also takes on the issue of sexual orientation: is Hal straight? Heteroflexible? Bicurious? Closeted gay? None/all of the above?

“And Baby Makes Three”: p 97; loc 1357; 33%. 6th story in the collection.

—opens by setting story at Fire Island Pines.

—geography, economics, transportation infrastructure, and culture of setting.

—Narrator is on vacation there with partner Aram.

—Aran: older; divorced with 2 daughters.

—Dancer/choreographer Buddy Duvall arrives on the island: 100. He and Aram have a history.

—Buddy’s companion: a younger man named Lee, aka Baby.

—note vivid descriptions: ex. p 101.

—a butterfly lands on Baby; narrator ponders a symbolic meaning.

Part 2 of story: p 103; loc 1455; 36%.

—Aram tells narrator that Buddy has literally known Baby since he was a baby.

—Aram recalls his own friendship with Baby’s mother, Debbie, a NYC wife. Story backtracks to those days.

—Buddy and Lee (Baby) seem smitten with each other from first meeting: 107.

—Aram recalls staying with Buddy at the Long Island summer home of Baby’s family with the family.

—Buddy tells Aram that astrologer Alina declared he and the baby Baby to be a good fit.

—Debbie tells Aram of her decision to divorce her unfaithful husband Jock, and then move out to California with Buddy and her children: 111.

—Buddy’s career flourishes in California; he marries Debbie.

—Buddy returns to NYC and achieves Broadway success.

—Buddy reveals his amicable divorce from Debbie.

—Buddy and Baby are reunited when Baby arrives to attend Columbia: 116. Baby comes out as gay to Buddy.

—Buddy admits he planned and waited 20 years and now wants Baby to be his lover: 117.

Part 3 of story: p 117; loc 1690; 42%.

—Narrator, attracted to Baby, resents Aram having shared the story.

—The characters visit the Sandpiper shipboard dance club.

—Baby a sensation among Sandpiper guests.

—Narrator encounters Baby on dock.

—despite renouncing his interest in Baby, narrator keeps running into him: 121.

—Narrator tries to convince Aram to go with him to Oakleyville, where a friend, Billy. has a rustic house they can use.

—after arguing, narrator decides to go to Oakleyville alone.

—After hiking alone to Billy’s house, narrator finds Baby there: 127.

—Narrator gives in to temptation and has 6 days of sex with Baby.

—Baby gives a totally different version of the story of when and how he and Buddy came to know each other.

—Baby speculates that Aram lied to narrator.

—Baby convinces an angry narrator to forgive Aram.

—When the foursome reunites in the Pines, Aram accepts the idea of narrator seeing more of Baby.

Part 4 of story: p 132; loc 1925; 47%.

—This section introduces a ne character, Tim, to whom narrator has apparently told the story of Aram and narrator.

—Narrator had stayed with Aram until he died, and met Tim after Aram’s death.

—story ends with narrator sending out his Burton translation to be freshly bound, and reflecting on the idea of a story within a story.

My assessment: an expertly written longer form story. Excellent use of the Fire Island setting, with attention paid to both its geography and culture.

—great twist when we discover that Aram’s version of Baby’s story is a cleverly designed fiction.

—Interesting portrayal of age difference in gay male relationships.

—I like how this story really pushes against the limits of good taste; Aram’s “tale within the tale” takes on the toxic, defamatory stereotype of the gay man “grooming” a male child into the gay “lifestyle.” But Picano skillfully handles the potentially offensive subject matter in a cleverly disorienting way—he makes the story-within-the-story almost like a surreal fable or fairy tale.

More LGBTQ poetry for your reading pleasure (Part 2)

These poems were disseminated in the American Academy of Poetry's Poem-a-Day newsletter in September, October and November.

Art by Herman Melville

This Is Not a Horse by Blas Falconer

Dementia Is a New Way to Be Buddhist by Kelli Russell Agodon

Ode to Those Who Block Tunnels and Bridges by Sam Sax

Conflation by Matthew Gellman

All-American Ghazal by Dujie Tahat

SoMa by Hieu Minh Nguyen

The Sonnet in Drag by Chris Watkins

Note: I think Watkins' poem is so witty that I'm taking the liberty of inserting it here:

The Sonnet in Drag

She’s charismatic, mistress of the brag.

Who turns a look like hers? The highest tuck

you could have—you might say she’s enjambed. Her wig

don’t ever slip. Her lip sync’s never slack.

She struts around in five-inch heels and lines

her syllables in red lip liner. Looks

like one of Shakespeare’s girls. And boy she rhymes

like he’s inside her—thumbing through her book.

You’ll want to read like her. You’ll want to wear

hip pads beneath your quatrains. Stuff big words

in every line to burst the iamb’s brassiere.

To be Elizabethan, queen of bards.

But can you bring it like a bottom from the top—

from the title to your couplet’s death drop?

Copyright © 2025 by Chris Watkins. Originally published in Poem-a-Day on November 14, 2025, by the Academy of American Poets.

Some LGBTQ poetry for your reading pleasure (Part 1)

I hadn't realized how long it's been since my last compilation of LGBTQ-themed poems (not all by LGBTQ poets, I should note) from the American Academy of Poetry's Poem-a-Day newsletter. These poems were disseminated in July and August; another post will bring us up to now. Enjoy!

I'd Have You Think of Me by Djuna Barnes

Black Pastoral by Lillian Yvonne-Bertram

Drenched in Reflection by Jzl Jmz

Karl Lagerfeld's line of beauty by Tommye Blount

Tender Buttons [Breakfast] by Gertrude Stein

What the Birds Do by Leonel Sanchez Lopez

Panhandle by Jesse Nathan

August by Miguel Murphy

I'm Dating a Man Who Is Married by Aaron Smith

Eros by Paul Tran

Task by Ari Banias

Ite lista est: The 2026 BookMen lineup

NOTE: This list includes books on the 2025 list that have not yet been scheduled (marked with an asterisk), as well as a couple of anthologies we have already begun (marked with two asterisks). 

FICTION

Bath Haus: A Thriller by P.J. Vernon

Falconer by John Cheever

Florenzer by Phil Melanson

Hawk Mountain by Conner Habib*

Hemlock and After by Angus Wilson

I’ll Take It by Paul Rudnick

Kiss of the Spider Woman by Manuel Puig

Lies with Man by Michael Nava

Love Junkie by Robert Plunket*

Small Rain by Garth Greenwell*

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon (NOTE: Because of its heft, we’ll discuss this novel over third-Wednesday sessions.)

The Bee Sting by Paul Murray*

The Wildes: A Novel in Five Acts by Louis Bayard

The Wrong People by Robin Maugham

NON-FICTION

American Scare: America’s Hidden Cold War on Black and Queer Lives by Robert W. Fieseler

The Celluloid Closet: Homosexuality in the Movies by Vito Russo*

BIOGRAPHY/MEMOIR

Before Night Falls: A Memoir by Reinaldo Arenas, translated by Delores M. Koch

Gertrude Stein: An Afterlife by Francesca Wade

Not My Father’s Son: A Memoir by Alan Cumming*

PLAYS

Picnic by William Inge

The Rolling Stone (Modern Plays) by Chris Urch

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (as revised by the playwright in 2006) by Edward Albee*

ANTHOLOGIES

A Place I’ve Never Been by David Leavitt

Amplitudes: Stories of Queer and Trans Futurity by Lee Mandelo (Editor)

Secret Anniversaries of the Heart: New and Selected Stories by Lev Raphael**

Slashed to Ribbons in Defense of Love and Other Stories by Felice Picano**

Mike M.'s musings on Moffie

As always, I'm grateful to Mike Mazza for sharing his extensive, detailed notes on Andre Carl Van Der Merwe's Moffie, which we'll discuss on Nov. 5.

Mike comments: "This book made quite an impression on me! In addition to my usual overall thoughts and chapter summaries, these notes include some other features, including a thematic commentary and a character breakdown."

Note: The citations (e.g., loc 78, 8%, etc.) below refer to the Kindle edition, not the paperback.

—————- Moffie notes

Author: Andre Carl van der Merwe.

Copyright 2006.

Brief summary: the coming-of-age story of a young gay man who serves in the South African military during the apartheid-era border war.

Thoughts on completing the book

—There is a subset of gay literature that I would call “gays in the military” literature. This includes novels like _Quatrefoil_ and _The Boy Who Picked the Bullets Up_, as well as nonfiction books like _Conduct Unbecoming_. _Moffie_ is another example of this literature; what makes it stand out is its setting in apartheid-era South Africa, and its address of the South African border war.

—I found the book extremely engaging, touching, and powerful. The author depicts both friendship and romantic love between young gay men with tenderness and dignity.

—As a US Army war veteran, I found a strong ring of truth in the book’s many details of military life. See notes on recurring themes/motifs below.

—For much of the book, the chapters alternate chronologically between the story of Nicholas’ experiences in the military and flashbacks to his childhood and family life. This split chronology is an effective device.

Vocabulary notes (see also the glossary that starts on p 379. I compiled the vocabulary notes immediately below while reading the book, and most of these words are not in the book’s glossary.)

—kraal, p 11: a livestock enclosure, or a village

—Swapo, p 193: South West Africa People’s Organisation.

—trommel, p 171: steel trunk.

—vasbyt, p 212: means to hold tight, or bite the bullet. Used in novel as a proper noun, Vasbyt, and defined on p 220 as a 5-day route march. See also p 221.

—lekker, p 238: can mean “great” in general, or “tasty” or “delicious” in reference to food.

—korhaan, p 276: type of bird.

—Ovambo, p 278: largest ethnic group in Namibia. A Bantu people native to southern Africa.

—Prestik, p 296. A reusable putty adhesive originally developed in the UK.

Recurring themes/motifs

—masculinity; labeling of individual as a “sissy” or “moffie”: 56; 62; 67; 71, 88, 91; 110; 136; 141; 192; 225.

—languages of South Africa: 54; 58 (Zulu); 94 (Afrikaans and English); 287 (Nick’s uncle Dirk using the Afrikaans version of Nick’s given name); 308.

—Geography, including cities, of South Africa: 112; 209; 222, 316; 355. Special note: if a reader has a map of South Africa handy, the reader can trace Nicholas’ travels around South Africa and into Namibia over the course of his narrative.

—apartheid: 56; 58.

—violence within the family: 58; 72; 75.

—shame and secrecy: 138; 265 (speaking in alphabetical code); 325.

—role of religion in anti-gay bigotry and internalized homophobia: 153; 208; 248.

—institutional homophobia: 192.

—interesting details of military life: 117 (sleeping on floor); 120 (inspections); 158 (laundry); 175 (cleaning rifles), 222 (“Vasbyt”); 247 (marksmanship emblem); 266 (field meals); 282 (Malcolm’s combat zone coffee recipe); 297 (depiction of interagency operations).

—degrading and abusive treatment of military trainees by instructors: 224 (excrement).

—Nicholas’ diary excerpts interspersed throughout the main first-person narrative: 119; 135; 220; 286; 349.

—impact of popular American music on the characters: 49; 277 (Neil Diamond).

Thematic commentary

—In chapter 13 of Part Three (p 137), Nicholas recalls his teenage fear of burning in hell for his homosexuality. He also recalls praying to be made heterosexual. The impact of this religion-based internalized homophobia is especially significant in the context of apartheid-era South Africa, in which a faction of Christendom used the Bible to justify apartheid. See the anthology _Apartheid Is a Heresy_.

—I see a parallel between the performative toxic masculinity and anti-gay bigotry that Nicholas experiences within his family, and that which he experiences in the military; it is worth noting that the slur “moffie” is used in both contexts.

—Another important topic is writing. The following important texts are incorporated into the narrative: first, excerpts from the journal of narrator Nicholas; second, Dylan’s combination coming out letter and suicide note to his parents; and third, a bundle of Dylan’s writings that Dylan’s father gives to Nicholas.

—Each of these texts is the writing of a young gay man living in the midst of a horrifically oppressive homophobic society: a society in which young gay men are pressured by religion, law, the medical/psychiatric establishment, and family demands; in the case of Nicholas and Dylan, they are further pressured by the homophobic environment of the apartheid-era South African military.

—I feel that the author is perhaps pointing to a larger truth about how written gay testimonies, in various formats, can be lost, hidden, preserved, exploited, and/or destroyed. This motif of the written gay testimony carries through the entire narrative in two ways: first, in direct quotes of these fictional “primary” texts, and second, in the narrator’s commentary on the treatment of these physical texts by various characters.

Characters

—Nicholas Van der Swart: narrator. Also known as Nick. Son of an Afrikaner father and “English” mother. Gay conscript in apartheid-era South African army.

—Peet: Abusive, homophobic, toxically masculine father of Nicholas. A Dutch Reformed adherent, although his wife (Nick’s mother) is Roman Catholic.

—Suzie: Nick’s mother.

—Bronwyn: Nick’s sister.

—Frankie: brother of Nicholas; dies young. His loss has a profound impact on Nick.

—Sophie: Zulu woman who takes care of young Nicholas during a period when his mother was ill: see p 15.

—Hendrik: Peet’s brother; Nick’s uncle. See p 38. Owns a farm. Values family tradition and continuity: see p 39 (family graveyard). Believes in maintaining strict boundaries between white and non-white people: 58. An oppressive figure in Nick’s life.

—Sannie: Hendrik’s wife.

—Hanno: Son of Hendrik and Sannie; Nick’s cousin.

—Malcolm Bateman: Army friend of Nicholas. Also gay; they come out to each other. Playful and fun-loving; tutors Nick on gay slang.

—Ethan Vickerman: fellow soldier beloved by Nicholas. Reclassified for medic training after serious injury.

—Dylan Stassen: Nicholas’ platoon mate and friend at Infantry School. Talkative (with Nick) and philosophical. Described in Nick’s diary as having “pitch-black hair” and “a sallow skin”: 119. Dies by suicide.

—Mr. Lance Davids: Nicholas’ biology teacher at Paul Roos Gymnasium. Target of homophobic rumors.

—Precious: black woman who works as a household servant for Ethan’s mother. See p 147.

—Deon: trainee soldier caught in a same sex embrace with another trainee. He is the son of a minister.

—Sergeant Dorman: abusive Infantry School instructor.

—Ben: Nick’s maternal uncle; lives in Namibia.

—Oscar: soldier in training at Infantry School. Admired by both Malcolm and Nick for his beauty.

—Gerrie: another Infantry trainee. Ingratiates himself to platoon leadership and gains special status.

—Lieutenant Maurice Engel: Nick’s platoon leader following the post-Vasbyt company reorganization; a “fiend.”

—Storm: attractive young man whom the young Nicholas meets while on a family holiday; denounced as one of the “hippies” by Peet.

—Tracy: Storm’s girlfriend.

—Dirk: Nicholas’ uncle (unclear to me whether he is Peet’s brother).

—Michael: Nick’s cousin; Dirk’s son.

—Ben: an Ovambo member of Koevoet, a South African police unit; tells Nick and Malcolm that he was trained by Cubans in Angola to fight for Swapo, but switched sides. See p 293.

—Margaret Stassen: Dylan’s mother. A woman of apparent wealth and privilege; lives in an opulent house with uniformed servants.

—John-Andrew Stassen: Dylan’s father.

—Pranks: woman Nicholas meets on a train; see p 348. An elegant looking smoker who tells Nicholas the story of her abandonment by her husband.

Memorable passages

—Nick sees Ethan’s room: 150.

—ironic thought upon Nick’s reunion with parents: 235.

—irony of gays serving in the military of a country with anti-gay policies: 237.

—impact of war on a baobab tree: 269.

—war in context: 282.

—vivid, impressionistic depiction of weapons use in combat: 306.

Background: p 7; 1%.

—South African and Namibian history.

—mandatory military service for South African men.

Part One: p 10

—narrator: 19 years old. Performing mandatory Defence Force service during border war.

—Malcolm: narrator’s best friend; also a draftee.

—Narrator references two additional important figures: Dylan, and Ethan, who narrator describes as “my love”: 12.

Part Two: p 14

[chapter] 1: p 15. 2%.

—narrator recalls his childhood; his older brother Frankie, and Zulu woman Sophie who takes care of him.

—his sister Bronwyn: 16.

—narrator: born in 1961: p 16. His father is an Afrikaner.

[chapter] 2: p 18. 3%.

—narrator at home with his mother and his dog, anticipating start of military duty. Also mentions his father and sister.

—narrator’s name: Nicholas.

—Nicholas argues politics with his father Peet, who calls Nicholas a moffie: loc 174. Peet strikes Nicholas and argues with mom.

—Family drives Nicholas to train station: p 25.

—the train departs.

[chapter] 3: p 28; 5%.

—on the train ride.

—Nicholas writes in his diary while on the train.

—he witnessed apparent racist abuse directed at a black man at a train stop.

—fellow conscript Gerrie plays guitar on train: 32.

—the conscripts disembark train at final station and are taken to the military training camp: 33.

[chapter] 4: p 34; 7%.

—back to a scene with his family. A memory from when Nicholas is 4 years old.

—travels with his family in South Africa.

—Peet and Suzie (Nicholas’ mom) discuss Peet’s sister. Peet disapproves of sister’s lifestyle, saying she drinks and that her partner is a hippie.

—family arrives at Peet’s childhood home; Peet greets his brother Hendrik, who has a son, Hanno, with his partner aunt Sannie: 38.

[chapter] 5: p 42; 9%.

—hunting a springbok with uncle Hendrik.

—Peet is horrified by Nicholas’ aversion to hunting; Hanno calls Nicholas a sissy: 42.

—note graphic description of brutality of continued hunt.

—auntie Ester introduced.

[chapter] 6: p 47; 11%.

—year is 1977. A school garden has been converted to a parade ground for military training.

[chapter] 7: p 48; 11%.

—mother finds family a home in a suburb of Cape Town.

—mother Catholic; father Dutch Reformed.

—Nicholas’ grandparents: 48.

—paternal grandma prizes Afrikaner heritage.

[chapter] 8: p 49; 11%.

—parade ground.

[chapter] 9: p 50; 12%.

—returns to time Nicholas turns 5 years old and Frankie’s 7th birthday is coming up.

—Frankie dies after automobile accident.

[chapter] 10: p 53; 12%.

—preparation for Frankie’s burial.

—Nicholas in conflict with cousin Hanno over Hanno’s cruelty to a dog.

—Nicholas visits the area of the black farm laborers, among them Piet: 57.

—uncle Hendrik scolds Nicholas for being around blacks and speaking Zulu: 58.

[chapter] 11: p 60; 14%.

—Nicholas reflects on his “damaged” relationship with sister Bronwyn.

[chapter] 12: p 63; 14%.

—military training.

[chapter] 13

—Peet berates Nicholas for not wanting to play rugby.

—Dave deeply misses his dead brother, even talks to him.

—his family’s interest in tennis.

[chapter] 14: p 66; 15%.

—visit from extended family.

—his cousin Michael and “distant cousin” Oscar, aka Blackie; uncle Dirk.

—Uncle Dirk organizes family wrestling matches.

[chapter] 15: p 70; 16%.

—Nicholas and Ethan at military training.

[chapter] 16: p 71; 16%.

—Nicholas acknowledges to himself that he is gay.

[chapter]17: p 72; 17%.

—Nicholas reflects on his mother’s protective support of him.

[chapter] 18: p 73; 17%.

—Nicholas’ frustrating experiences with tennis and cricket.

—His father beats him with a rope: 75.

Part Three: p 76; 18%.

[Part Three, chapter] 1: p 77; 18%.

—military training.

—description of food service and mess kit: 79.

—Nicholas considers Frankie’s spirit to be his angel: 80.

[Part Three, chapter] 2: p 82; 19%.

—military barber.

—the barber hits Ethan with a broom: 83.

—Nicholas develops a friendship with Ethan.

—they go to Catholic church service together.

[Part Three, chapter] 3: p 88; 22%.

—Peet berates his 4-year old son Nicholas to not be a sissy. This is a time when Frank is still alive.

—Peet pressures little Nicholas to ride a bicycle.

[Part Three, chapter] 4: p 90; 21%.

—back to military training.

—intraracial ethnic tension among recruits; “English” boys called out: 91. Afrikaner vs English.

—Malcolm and Nicholas assigned to same platoon: 93.

—the relaxed friendship between Malcolm and Nicholas.

—Nicholas discusses his mixed Afrikaans/English background.

—homosexuality forbidden by SA Military: 95.

[Part Three, chapter] 5: p 97; 23%.

—young Nicholas at home listening to opera.

[Part Three, chapter] 6: p 99; 23%.

—Nicholas ponders his relationship with Ethan.

—Journal entry dated 2 February 1980: p 99.

[Part Three, chapter] 7: p 101; 24%.

—Ethan creates a secret picnic for him and Nick using the contents of a care package.

—Ethan shows Nicholas the book The Little Prince: 103.

—they hug. Nicholas does not try to go farther than hug, and worries that Ethan might not be gay.

[Part Three, chapter] 8: p 107; 25%.

—clearing out day from the training camp.

—Ethan, Malcolm and Nicholas remain together during transit to next military site.

[Part Three, chapter] 9: p 110; 26%.

—back in time to family scene.

—Peet warns Nicholas not to be a moffie.

—family discusses plan to take on pig farming in Banhoek: 112.

[Part Three, chapter] 10: p 113; 27%.

—the soldiers arrive at Infantry School.

—Ethan and Nicholas assigned to different companies.

—Ethan appears ill, collapses in formation.

—Malcolm and Gerrie wind up in Golf Company with Nicholas: 116.

—Nicholas befriends Dylan, a trainee in his platoon.

—Dylan shares his favorite book, One Hundred Years of Solitude, with Nicholas.

—Dylan’s racial identity becomes a point of discussion amongst trainees; is he “colored”?: 124.

—instructors develop an aversion to Dylan.

—Dylan is unfairly treated during inspected parade and denied a liberty pass.

—Dylan and Nicholas in a “bivvie” shelter during platoon week in the veld: 130.

[Part Three, chapter] 11: p 133; 33%.

—back in time; Nicholas ‘ first day at Paul Roos Gymnasium.

—Nicholas Hayes the school; only positive aspect is his biology teacher, Mr. Davids.

—his sense of sharing a coded language with Mr. Davids.

[Part Three, chapter] 12: p 135; 33%.

—Nicholas reflects on his teenage gay sexual awakening and fear of being outed.

[Part Three, chapter] 13: p 137; 34%.

—in high school, Nicholas fears burning in hell for his homosexuality and prays to be changed.

—Sodom and Gomorrah: p 137.

[Part Three, chapter] 14: p 139; 34%.

—Nicholas fights temptation to touch Dylan.

[Part Three, chapter] 15: p 140; 34%.

—back to Nicholas’ school days.

—rumor spreads that Mr. Davids is gay.

—Nicholas hears from a senior student that Mr. Davids was the victim of what sounds like a violent anti-gay attack by three boys.

—Nick argues with his parents as he defends Mr. Davids.

—Nicholas is burdened by the unmentionable secret of being gay, and feels condemned by both his father’s Dutch Reformed faith and his mother’s Roman Catholic faith: 142.

[Part Three, chapter] 16: p 144; 35%.

—in the bivvie shelter with Dylan.

[Part Three, chapter] 17: p 145; 35%.

—Nicholas home on pass from training.

—Nicholas decides to try to find Ethan while on pass.

—Nick finds Ethan’s house and is welcomed by Ethan’s mother and the black servant woman Precious.

—Ethan’s mother tells Nick that Ethan suffered serious injuries during training and required surgery.

—Ethan’s mother gives Nick her son’s new address.

—Tender scene where Nick gets to see Ethan’s bedroom: 150.

[Part Three, chapter] 18: p 152; 37%.

—narrative moves back in time; about 45 days after incident with Mr. Davids.

—Mr. Davids does not return to school, and Nick is unable to reach him.

—Nick prays to be made “straight”: 153.

—Nick fails and realizes he will have to repeat a year of school.

—Nicholas overcomes suicidal thoughts.

[Part Three, chapter] 19: p 157; 39%.

—Back to Army training.

—Two young soldiers are subjected to both a violent physical attack and institutional persecution after being discovered in a secret gay embrace.

—Nick talks to Deon, one of the persecuted soldiers.

[Part Three, chapter] 20: p 162; 40%.

—Mishap involving a garter causes trouble for the platoon.

—Nick tells Dylan that his grandparents were children on opposite sides during the Boer War: 163.

—Dylan is punished by Sergeant Dorman.

—Dylan feels despair, partly because of the two persecuted soldiers.

[Part Three, chapter] 21: p 167; 41%.

—Nick’s uncle Dirk has a tense encounter with a black man over a parking spot; note Dirk’s racist attitude.

—trip to a public swimming pool.

[Part Three, chapter] 22: p 169; 42%.

—Dylan discusses a book he has been reading with Nick.

—the two discuss a time of riots.

—Nick describes his maths tutor to Dylan.

—Nick tells Dylan about his teen spiritual crisis without explicitly mentioning the root cause: his homosexual struggle.

—Dylan tells Nick that his worst time in life happened in New York, but Dylan is interrupted and never finishes the story: 177. Note: this foreshadows the Part Five revelation of Dylan’s abuse by his uncle.

—Dylan and Nick dig and share a trench during training in winter: 177.

—ammo training.

—misery of outdoor training in the rain.

—Dylan and Nick have an intense experience in the sleeping bag during training, but they both seem to be holding something back.

—Dylan admits to Nick that he burned himself with a cigarette: 183.

—Dylan tells Nick about his uncle in New York.

—Nick receives a letter from the hospitalized Ethan: 189.

—second letter from Ethan: he had been reclassified and is in a medics course.

—Dylan dead from weapon fire; apparent suicide.

—during an assembly to discuss the suicide, an officer denounces Dylan as a homosexual: 192.

—Malcolm and Nicholas go on a pass to Johannesburg.

—while on pass, Malcolm and Nicholas talk about Dylan and his death.

—Nicholas starts telling Malcolm a story about his maternal uncle who lives in Namibia.

[Part Three, chapter] 23: p 201; 51%.

—Back in time to Nick and his uncle Ben. On a Land Rover ride.

—Grisly spear killing of a caged mother baboon. Baby baboon also brutally killed.

[Part Three, chapter] 24: p 204; 52%.

—While still on pass, Nick comes out to Malcolm, who in turn reveals that he is also gay.

—Nick and Malcolm resolve to visit a gay club.

—Nick recalls an anti-gay magazine article that references the Bible and Dutch Reformed ministers: 208.

—Nick and Malcolm at the gay club; a drag artist performs.

—The two go to Ethan’s duty station. Malcolm leaves so that Nick can have some private time with Ethan.

—Malcolm and Nick return from leave.

—on the ride back, Malcolm tells Nick about a gay man he knew who suffered through cruel anti-gay medical treatment: 217.

[Part Three, chapter] 25: p 220; 56%.

—anticipation of Vasbyt.

—Vasbyt prep.

—abuse and suffering during Vasbyt.

—Sergeant Dorman makes a vulgar, abusive tirade against the deceased Dylan: 225.

—Dorman heaps verbal abuse on Nick; they have a tense confrontation.

—Nick makes it through the ordeal of Vasbyt. Note the intense details about the experience.

Part Four: p 229; 59%.

[Part Four, chapter] 1: p 230; 59%.

—Malcolm and Nick.

—Company is reorganized after Vasbyt attrition.

—Sergeant Dorman has Nick transferred into his platoon.

—Platoon leader Maurice Engel introduced; Nick sees him as a fiend.

—Gerrie ingratiates himself to the platoon leadership and gets special privileges.

—Gerrie creates a conflict right before a barracks inspection.

—Nick goes home with his parents on pass: 236.

[Part Four, chapter] 2: p 240; 62%.

—back to a family holiday in 1970.

—Peet complains about “hippies.”

—Nick meets “hippies” Storm and Tracy; he is mesmerized by Storm’s attractiveness.

—Storm teaches Nick to surf.

[Part Four, chapter] 3: p 246; 63%.

—returning from leave.

—Gerrie engages in gay-baiting harassment of Nicholas and Malcolm.

—Dorman and Gerrie persecute Malcolm and Nicholas.

—theological discussion of homosexuality by soldiers in homophobic context: 248. Nicholas uses his knowledge of the Bible to argue with other soldiers.

—Oscar defends Nick’s position in the debate.

—the soldiers arrive by air in the military border camp at Oshivelo: 251. It is a training base for the war.

—Dorman delivers more cruel punishment to Nick: 257.

—After the training at Oshivelo, the troops move to the operational area: 260.

—Golf Company is deployed with Koevoet, a division of the South African Police known as a ruthless killing machine: 260.

[Part Four, chapter] 4: p 262; 68%.

—Nick’s 10th birthday during annual family holiday in Jeffrey’s Bay.

—Nick has his farewell to Storm and Tracy.

[Part Four, chapter] 5: p 264; 68%.

—Malcolm tells Nick how his mother had left the family when he was young.

—Nick and Malcolm speak in code about gay issues due to the homophobic military environment: 265.

—Malcolm and Nicholas overhear Sergeant Dorman boast that he could murder a disliked soldier from his own unit and get away with it in this operational setting: 266.

—Nick tells Malcom a childhood event story: how he freed a captive cheetah on his uncle’s property, was tatted out by his sister Bronwyn, and got a beating from his father: 268.

—the unit stops at a Koevoet base.

—The Koevoet personnel seem undisciplined to Nick: 270.

—Nick sees the horribly mutilated bodies of enemy war casualties.

—they have combat action.

—on patrol, the unit establishes a temporary base: 276.

—Malcolm and Nicholas witness a prisoner being tortured via a deliberate nonfatal push out of a hovering helicopter: 279.

—Nicholas decides not to record the helicopter torture in his diary: 280.

[Part Four, chapter] 6: p 281; 73%.

—back to a childhood time when Frankie was still alive.

—tender scene of Peet tucking his young sons into bed.

—my note: this scene really humanizes Peet, a character who thus far has been depicted in an overwhelmingly negative light.

[Part Four, chapter] 7: p 282; 73%.

—soldiers in a bunker.

—Malcolm tells Nicholas about his hatred for his sister’s husband.

—Malcolm and Nick discuss their individual future plans, as well as the prospective future of South Africa: 285.

[Part Four, chapter] 8: p 287; 75%.

—Nick recalls his uncle Dirk insulting him in front of Peet, and Peet not defending him.

[Part Four, chapter] 9: p 288; 75%.

—Nick recalls Storm giving him a gift: a necklace with shells on it.

—Peet rips the necklace off Nick in anger.

[Part Four, chapter] 10: p 290; 75%.

—Soldiers’ change of watch.

—mortar attack: 292.

—Malcolm and Nick are assigned to accompany Koevoet personnel to deliver fuel to a sympathetic local chief.

—Nick asks Malcolm to teach him gay slang: 295.

—During operation with Koevoet, Nicholas and Malcolm see a human head impaled on a stick: 299.

—The operation continues as the South African personnel hunt down and kill enemy person.

—Malcolm and Nicholas are reunited with their platoon after combat action with Koevoet.

—Platoon soldiers’ vehicle triggers a mine: 311.

—Nick is medically evacuated to a prefab hospital after the mine attack.

—the wounded Malcolm and wounded Nick are taken on a journey that ends at a military hospital near Pretoria: 316.

—Nick, recovering from concussion, is deeply worried about Malcolm’s serious hand injury.

—Ethan and Nick are reunited at the hospital: 319.

—Nick plans to visit Dylan’s parents.

—Malcolm reveals to Nick that Gerrie is actually a closeted gay and that the two had a sexual encounter together.

[Part Four, chapter] 11: p 327; 86%.

—Dylan’s parents agree to see Nicholas. He has lunch with them on their opulent estate.

—Dylan’s grieving mother is dependent on alcohol and drugs.

—Privately, Dylan’s father shows Dylan’s suicide letter to Nick; Dylan had written that he killed himself because he was gay and in love, but felt his situation was hopeless due to the bigotry and repression of society. It was a “coming out” letter as well as a suicide note.

—Nicholas notices a portrait in the Stassen house. Mr. Stassen explains that it depicts his mother and younger brother (i.e. Dylan’s grandmother and uncle) with Dylan. Mr. Stassen speaks disparagingly of his brother, who he said lived in New York with their mother. 335-336. Special note: I believe that more about Dylan and his uncle is explained in Part 5.

—Nicholas asks Mr. Stassen if he could help with Malcolm’s medical care for his injured hand; Mr. Stassen promises to do so: 336.

—Mr. Stassen gives Nicholas an envelope before Nick departs.

—Nick experiences regret and guilt over Dylan’s suicide.

[Part Four, chapter] 12: p 338; 89%.

—Nick reads the sorrowful writings by Dylan that Mr. Stassen had given to him in an envelope.

—while accompanying Ethan on an errand to Ward 22, Nick sees Deon, who is in a terrible condition and tells Nick of abusive practices in the ward.

—Nick reflects on the epic life journey of his 19th year: 347.

—Ethan and Nick have a tender farewell at the train station.

[Part Four, chapter] 13: p 348; 92%.

—Nicholas on the train. He meets a flamboyant woman who calls herself Pranks.

—on train, Nicholas meets the medic who stitched up his injured head; he learns that Oscar cared for him while he was dazed from his head injury: 351.

[Part Four, chapter] 14: p 353; 93%.

—Nicholas recalls a family argument, involving his uncle Hendrik, stemming from Nicholas bringing a dog into uncle Hendrik’s house.

[Part Four, chapter] 15: p 355; 94%.

—Nicholas’ journey to Oudtshoorn continues.

—Back at the military installation, Nicholas learns that most soldiers are away on pass. He runs into his cousin Hanno, and learns that Hanno has dropped out of his military training course.

—Ethan comes to pick Ethan up from the deserted Infantry facility. When they are alone in the car, Ethan kisses Nicholas.

—Ethan tells Nick that Malcolm’s hand will be fine; surgery was a success.

—the passing-out parade: 362.

—At family dinner after the military festivities, Nicholas finds out that Oscar is actually his cousin.

—Oscar and Nick spend some private time together after the family dinner, and Nick comes out to Oscar.

Part Five: p 372; 98%.

—revelation about incest that occurred in New York. This appears to fill in a gap in Dylan’s story. See also Part Four, “chapter” 11.

Epilogue: p 375; 99%.

—Nicholas describes his post-Army life.

Glossary: p 379.

About the Author: p 382; 100%.

The passing of Passolini...

Openly gay Italian film director Pier Paolo Passolini (1922-1975) was brually murdered exactly 50 years ago today, supposedly by one of the rent boys he (like Oscar Wilde) regularly sought out. But The Silver Book, a new book by British author Olivia Laing (whose essay collection, The Lonely City, we read five years ago), speculates that the Italian government may have staged his murder to discredit Passolini, a longtime critic. Writing in The Guardian, Laing says:

"What if this reputational as well as actual murder was designed to drown out – contaminate, confuse – the warnings he’d been issuing with increasing ferocity in the final years of his short life? “I know” was the central refrain in a famous essay published a year before his death in Il Corriere della Sera, Italy’s leading newspaper. What Pasolini knew, and what he refused to remain silent about, was the nature of power and corruption during Italy’s brutal 1970s; the so-called “Years of Lead”, named for an epidemic of assassinations and terrorist attacks by both the extreme left and right. What he knew, in short, was that fascism was not over, and that the right would metastasise, returning in a new form to claim power over a populace stupefied by the tawdry blandishments of capitalism."

Whatever the truth of that theory, Laing pays tribute to her subject's legacy as an artist, thinker and political force in her essay.